A tiny bit of hope, no expectations and life goes on…

This is my mantra these days, because I am heartbroken.  The man I love has decided that he needs some time away from me and that time includes seeing other people.  Is he coming back?  I don't know. Even he says he doesn't know.  I hope so, we had something really fantastic.  Something once in a lifetime.  But everyone comes to a crossroads in their lives where they have to figure out who they are, what they want and where they are going.  He just came to that crossroad while I happened to be standing in the middle of the street.  He didn't speed through and mow me down, but he did give me a good jolt while he was slamming on the brakes. 
I love this man, more than I have ever loved anyone.  And I truly believe that he loves me too. 
We are working hard to remain friends – a promise we made to each other when we met.  No matter where our lives took us – we would always be best friends.  So after the pain, me acting childish, his confusion and the separation of our very entangled lives, we are doing our best to move on.   We share a business relationship as well, so we have had to learn to communicate in a different way.
So far so good.   As much as I hate that he is seeing someone else, I resign myself to the fact that it has to happen for him to figure out what he wants.   I can only be me.  Have him see that I can be a bigger person than he thinks I am.  Be myself, caring, compassionate, loving, caring, thoughtful, smart, inquisitive and let him see what he saw in me in the first place. 
So, I live my days with that little bit of hope that he will figure out what he wants in his life and realize that it is me.  With no expectations that it will happen so that I can't be disappointed. And with going on with my life the best I can – with the love and support of my children and my friends and my faith and finding somewhere inside strength that I know must be buried in there, but that I am having a hard time finding right now.

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