A weekend that I really needed …

A fun day spent wandering a flea market, having lunch and sitting outside enjoying the weather and a few (ok more than a few drinks!) with a very dear friend.
Sat night was on a "date" with another friend who I would like to get to know better. We'll see how that does or does not work out.  We had a really good time together anyway.
The only hiccup to Sat. night was running into my ex and his new girlfriend and a bunch of their friends.  I walked right by him.  Sadly, neither of us acknowledging each other.  This is getting to be ridiculous.  We need to be adults and not act as if the other one does not exist.  But, when he is with her, I am not going to go out of my way to speak to him. If we see each other at the same time or he says something, then I will speak to him.  But, I won't seem to be making a scene by going out of my way to speak to him when he is with her.  I won't lower myself to that.  If he is alone, with his guy friends or we both see each at the same time, I will speak to him. I refuse to act as if we were not together, that what we had was not real.  I hope that at some point he choses to do the same. 
Sunday was the best day of the weekend.  Sunny and warm.  I spent it burning a lot of calories and absorbing a lot of sunshine by kayaking down the Delaware River with my friend Denise.   The fall colors in the trees were beautiful.  The trip again was telling the story of my life.  Surrounded by beauty, that is changing in many ways.  The water was higher creating slightly bigger rapids and the wind was blowing upstream so we were paddling into it.  I spent a good portion of my paddling feeling like I was moving in place, but actually making a little bit of progress.  Eventually, we came to the end
A nice dinner and a few drinks and a nice drive back home finished off our day.
And a Thanks to Philly Car Share!  My mini was a blast to drive and the customer service when my 1st reserved car had a flat tire was really awesome!  So glad I signed up and I will definitely be reserving cars more often.
Here is some our Sunday – look at that sunshine!

Glo

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Curve balls

So what do you do when life throws you several curve balls at one time.  The last several months have been one new pitch after another and all of them have been been right across the plate sliders and curves.  I'm to the point that I want to stop swinging and just strike out.   Don't ask me where the baseball analogies are coming from.  Especially since I am more of a football girl, but I think you get the idea. 
I'm getting dizzy trying to figure out which direction to look to keep things from falling on my head and knocking my knees out from underneath me. 
It has made me start to wonder about just how much emotional upheaval a person can take before they break. What determines that?  Is is in our DNA, our upbringing or just something else?  Can it be changed through sheer determination?  I wish I knew or that someone could tell me.  I live everyday with the realities of being bi-polar and have to wonder if that plays a role in just how much it would take to break me.  I do know what it feels like to break.  To feel that you are at the bottom of a very deep, dark hole and not to know how to climb out.  Does anyone else feel that way just before they know that they can't handle any more?
I've watched friends come through events and situations that would make some people shudder.  Yet, they seem to find their way through it with grace and dignity, never seeming to come close to cracking.  I envy them.
So how do we know just how much we can take until we get to a point that we can not take anymore?  It seems to be the only way to find out just where our breaking point is.  There has to be a better way.  Now how do I find it and can I juggle the balls that are being thrown at me in the meantime.  Or am I am going to get hit in the head with a fast ball?

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Home from the 3-Day

Well, I made it!  3-Days 60 miles and I walked every step of them.  After my disappointment with the knee injury last year, this felt really good.  There is so much more for me to say about my adventure this weekend, but it is going to have to wait for another day – much too late and much too tired tonight. 
But take a look at my photos on Flickr.com for a sampling of our 3 days.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/11715835@N08/

Thanks to everyone for all of your love and support!

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Changes & challenges

It seems that 2 words can describe my life lately – changes & challenges.  In the last few months, I have changed where I live, who I live with, my vision of the future and of how I see myself.  All of those changes have come with challenges — sometimes as major as just being able to get out of bed in the morning, sometimes as minor as trying to figure out where and how to hang a picture.  Today brought about another major change.  A person that I thought would be my friend forever has decided that it is better for him to end our relationship.  And this week brings up 2 more major challenges.  Facing the first birthday I have had alone in a lot of years and to top it off, it is my 42nd birthday.   The day after that I start out on my 3-day, 60 mile adventure in the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day.

So how do I face these challenges and the many more that will come into my life?  I wish I knew.  I wish that there was a guaranteed plan to tell me what to do when each change comes along and when I have to face each challenge. So far, none has shown up.  Everyone keeps telling me that there is not a manual.   At this point I am only putting one foot in front of the other.  Or some mornings, one foot out of bed.  I can honestly say that if it were not for my sons and my friends, I would not even be doing that.   The thought of my sons having to face being without me is what makes me keep going.  My friends are the ones who give me the support, encouragement, love, shoulders to lean and cry on and just, in general, keep me upright.

Well, to face the most recent change, I guess I just move on.  I can't force someone to want to be a part of my life. (As much as I would like to be able to.)  The most recent challenges are another thing though.   My birthday – I would like to just say I will forget about it, but birthdays have always been a big deal in my family, so they are to me too.  Once again some of my friends come to the rescue.  They are making sure that I don't spend my birthday alone.  Dad and (what a nice surprise), Sis came through too – the cards are already here.

Friday morning dawns very early for the other big challenge of my week – the 3-Day.  Fortunately, one of my dearest friends will be by my side as we take off on our little hike.  It is a really challenging undertaking, but one so very worth every step.  (See my earlier post on why I walk)

Thursday night, as I celebrate my birthday, my friends and I will raise a toast and mine will be to changes and challenges and finding the strength and faith to get through them.  To my friends, my sons and the rest of my family.  Thank you for being there to make sure I get through all of these things.

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