Promises to myself, Part 1

This post is titled, part 1 because it is going to be the first of many about promises that I am making or have made to myself (see my 43 things link) – this one is a simple promise, or hopefully will be a simple promise, I am going to post something on my blog everyday. I don't promise prize-winning prose, but this activity does help clear my head and seems to give some order to my life, so doing it daily might help to make sense of some of the senselessness that is swirling around me.

I have spent a lot of time in the last several months thinking about my life, where it has been, where it is going and primarily what do I want out of it.  I still don't know. Sometimes I am so certain what I want, sometimes it just all seems to be dreams floating on air.  I decided that it is time to take back control of my life.  Somewhere in the last couple of years, I seem to let my life slip out of my hands.  Oh, if I am being honest, I have opened them wide open, laid my palms flat and let go. There are a lot of reasons and a lot of excuses.  Sometimes a single thing is both a reason and an excuse.  Now the next step in re-taking control is to sort out which is a reason and which is an excuse. 

A friend of mine has recommended that I read this book. She says it has given her a new perspective on how to approach getting the meaning out of life that she is looking for.  So, I have a copy, I'll give a try.  I'll let you know how it turns out.  If it makes sense and touches me or gives me that "A-ha" moment, don't be surprised to find it under your Christmas tree.

I'm rather excited by this "adventure" I am making myself start out on.  Yesterday (and a good portion of the days before that), I spent on the verge of tears, feeling alone, unloveable, abandoned and completely lost and confused.  I am not sure that changed overnight, but something did.  I've always been a believer in the power of prayer and maybe it was just that quick little one that flitted through my mind as I drifted to sleep.  I like to think that was what it was that allowed me to wake up with this new sense.  Whatever it was, I'm happy that it is here.  I know that every day will not feel like this, especially with the holidays coming.  The first that I will spend alone in 13 years (10 with Terry and 3 with Bart).  I was really feeling that loneliness until I realized that I am not alone unless I want to be.   So, I will have good days and bad and my goal each day will be to learn something from each of those days.  I have to start being the glass half-full girl more often than I have been lately.  Wish me luck! 

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