This is an open letter to everyone who ever has been, currently is or ever will be in my life. It is going to be sappy and sometimes it is going to sound unbelievable and, to some of you, maybe even a little weird, but it is my story, my truth and I hope it inspires and motivates you.
I received a gift this past weekend. One of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I received the gift of myself. True, complete, whole ME.
I spent the weekend at the Landmark Forum. It was long, it was hard, it was emotional and it was Magnificently Wonderful. I was given the chance to explore who I really am, the way I behave and act and who I can be. I learned to let go of the things that I did not even realize I was dragging around, things so intertwined and shackled to me that I did not even know they were there, like an invisible ball and chain dragging behind me through my life. This past weekend, over the 13 hours a day on Friday, Saturday and Sunday (yes, 39 hours!), I transformed my life. Yes, I know some of you may have heard or read some crazy things about Landmark. No, it is not a pyramid scheme, no it is not just about taking your money (hell, there are self-help seminars that are a lot more expensive and I’ve been to some of them). So, please, while you read about my experience, just keep an open mind. I know it sounds hooky and a little cultish to talk about having transformed my life, but you all know me well enough to know, if I say it, I really mean it.
If you have been in my life up to this point, at one point or another, I got you caught up in what Landmark calls my “rackets”. It was my way of being that helped me survive. A way of being I created based on my interpretation of what events in my life meant. An interpretation that was colored by my own fears and insecurities. I would say and do just about anything to be enough – good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, competent enough, loving enough, loveable enough… the list of enoughs goes on and on and on. I always felt like I was lacking. I felt insufficient. So I, often unconsciously manipulated my world and the people in it so that when, inevitably, it was discovered that I was not “enough” then other people were at fault, I was right. I was the victim. I could be the martyr. Like a second skin I wore this way of being, letting it shield me from the hurt and disappointment possible in the world. Worse yet, I let it shield the world from me, from the real, true, extraordinary me. I am sorry.
I am not the same person who sat down in that seat at 8:59 on Friday morning. I am a person who has completely let go of my past, even the stuff in my past that I did not even realize I was still hanging on to. I am person who has the peace, strength and courage to make my life into anything I want it to be. And best of all, not to just say that, but to truly, deeply and completely know it to be true. I learned things about myself that I knew but did not really Know. I also learned what I am capable of and that is being truly extraordinary. No, I was not brainwashed. Yes, I am still the same person with the same day to day life, but I am also a whole new person with a life of all new possibilities. Nothing added, Nothing taken away. Just space in my life, my head, my heart for the creation of new possibilities.
I learned this weekend that I do a lot of things to sabotage myself, my life, my career and my relationships and I learned why I do it. Yeah, I know you can get all of that in therapy, but what the Landmark Forum taught me, that therapy and hospitalizations never could, is the real impact of all of that behavior and most importantly how to really let go of it and put it behind me so that I don’t have to continue those behaviors. Just one of the many things I learned is I would create distance with people because I knew I was always going to fail them because I was not good enough in some way. Well, guess what, I am good enough and I always have been. The Landmark Forum taught me how to distinguish between what really happened and the story we all create around what happened and the behavior we create based on that story. It is really powerful and fascinating. I have to tell you the world better watch out for this new fully aware, fully empowered, motivated, energized me!
I have been trying to find the perfect expression for how I have felt that last couple of days when it came to me – a butterfly. I have emerged from a cocoon woven from my own fears, insecurities and perceptions of the past. The past is gone. It is behind me. There is nothing in front of me but limitless possibilities that I get to create.
I want this for everyone who has ever been in my life and everyone who ever comes into my life. I want this for YOU. This peace, this joy, the real, lasting, true knowledge of who you are and what you are really capable of. In every person in my life I see Greatness (yes, capital G!). I want everyone in my life to be transformed, to have this gift, to be the Greatness I see in them.
So ask me about it, ask me how you can have it. I promise you I will be honest. I will tell you what I see in you and I will tell you how to have and be all the things I see in you.
Thank you all. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether it is my real or my digital one. Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Thank YOU for being my motivation and inspiration. I love you all.