Musings as I head into my 50th year…

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Yes, I turn 49 on October 4th…yes, this is the beginning of my 50th year of life… now that the space time continuum question is out of the way… on to my random musings.

As the last month of my 49th year begins, I find myself pensive and thoughtful.  I look back on the last 49 years. Those years are a road of high hills and deep valleys, superfast freeways and country dirt roads.   IMG_1937

While there are many emotions that go through me thinking back on these years, the overwhelming emotion is thankfulness for every moment.  No, they were not all good, and at times, neither was I, but I can say overall, it has been and continues to be a life well-lived.

There are so many things I am thankful for that I can never list them all, but these…these are the things at the top of my mind as I let my mind wander through the last 49 years…

– The 2 greatest blessings in my life, my sons. From their entry into this world till this moment, they have been the one thing that makes me know there is a God who loves us because He entrusted me with these two miracles.  I have not been a perfect mother, a lot of times not even a good one, but the unconditional love and the joy of being a parent to these amazing young men are the greatest gifts and biggest lessons I have ever been given.  DSC04778

– Having experienced deep, broken to the core heartache because it allowed me to finally learn what true love, commitment, forgiveness, passion & partnership are really all about.  As I venture once more into the chasm of risking my heart, it is with a gladness that I have learned these lessons, experienced this sadness and despite it all have not closed my heart to the potential of love.

– My family who has always been there, often when I least deserved it and despite my distancing myself from them for years. It is only now, as I get older, that I truly appreciate the lessons learned in this wonderfully dysfunctional, crazy, full of love & laughter big family of mine.

– Learning courage…it took almost 40 years to really learn courage and another 7+ to learn how to appropriately apply & direct it constructively instead of selfishly & short-sightedly. The courage to take risks and build a life that I wanted and to be the person I know was in there but was afraid to show the world.

Landmark and Amy who persistently nudged me to experience it.  The transformation I experienced was so profound it goes beyond words, other then to say, I finally learned how to be comfortable in my own skin and to be the fullest, truest, most authentic version of myself.  Other then my children, possibly the greatest gift I have ever been given.

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– My friends…if I tried to list you all and all the things you have brought and  continue to bring into my life, I might crash the internet.  Most of you are like      family. Many of you are my own personal board of directors (and you probably don’t  even know it). Some of you are merely people who have crossed my path  momentarily. All of you left a lasting imprint on my life.

Because I have received the incredible blessing of so many wonderful people In my  life, I have decided that each day, from October 1st until my 50th birthday on Oct 4,  2015, I am going to publicly say Thank You to a person or group of people who I am honored to call my friends.

– My superpower – connecting people. I can not remember who it was that first coined this as my superpower, but it is such a blessing that it can not be something naturally occurring.  I feel so blessed and grateful every day that I am able to help others by connecting them with someone who can help or enrich their lives.

– Rediscovering the written word.  I had lost my words for a long time… the ability and time to read for both work and pleasure; the joy and release of taking the words that swirl in my head and put them to paper or keyboard.  I have finally rediscovered my words, have made time to read, am slowly putting my thoughts to paper…it feels good to have found my words again.

Now, as my 50th year starts…I’m ready to walk in the sunshine and write the next chapter…

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