Snake oil…Part 2 – It Just Keeps Getting Worse

UPDATE 3-17-2015:  The email exchange below occurred 2 months ago.  As of this morning,  my email has been opened 537 times, from 18 devices in 14 locations.  (Thanks Yesware for the awesome tracking!).  It is not possible to know if the email was just opened or was actually read, but, as of this morning, I have had no response of any kind from Web.com.

 

Thank you everyone who read, shared and commented on my post yesterday  – We All Have To Work To Stop The Snake Oil Salesmen 

Since I was contacted by the “Executive Escalation” team at Web.com, I felt it was only fair to keep everyone up to date on what was happening.   Rather then possibly mis-quoting or allowing for mis-interpretation of our correspondence, I have copied in both their email to me and my response in their entirety (see below).   We’ll see where it goes from here.   I may end up being the lucky recipient of a cease and desist or a libel and slander suit, but we’ll see.  Hopefully the good folks (and I am sure there are a lot of really great ones there!) at Web.com will realize that 1) these are not only my concerns but the concerns of multiple people in the industry and they really need to look at what they are doing and 2) they will get someone in (Heck, they could even hire me!) to fix their social media program and the social media services they  offer to clients.

Fingers crossed and I’ll be sure to keep you all informed if anything else develops.

FYI, I did leave off the name of the person from Executive Escalations intentionally.  I don’t want to beat up on an single individual who, I am sure, is just trying to do their job the best they know how.

FROM EXECUTIVE ESCALATIONS at Web.com 

Hi Gloria,

I work for the Executive Escalations office, monitoring our social media communication channels from within. I wanted to reach out to you to address what appears to be an unpleasant experience you had yesterday via our Twitter channel.  

 My sincerest apologies for any sort of frustrations, disappointments, or overall aggravations you experienced yesterday with our company, both on and off-line. We never want our customers, be they already established or potential, to feel as if they’ve been overlooked, mishandled, or challenged in any sort of way. Our goal when monitoring SM channels is to maintain an open, non-combative lines of communication, offering to help facilitate assistance however we can. We also value any and all feedback, be it negative or positive, as we report results on a weekly basis and implement changes to our policy and training as needed.

 If there is anything I can do to further assist to ensure you leave this experience with a lighter, more positive outlook on our company, I’d be more than happy to accommodate. Thank you so very much for your time, and again, my sincerest apologies for any and all frustrations.

Kindest Regards,

Nice note and all… but as you can see by my response, I’m not really buying it  –

Thank you for reaching out to me.  While I appreciate the effort, to be honest, I feel like I am getting the same SOP, canned responses I got from your social media team yesterday.  
I am not your customer or even a potential customer.  I am a social media professional who offers some of the same services that your company offers.  It would have taken your social media team all of 2 seconds to know that if they have bothered to just look at my Twitter profile.  The reaction I received yesterday on Twitter and again in this correspondence genuinely feel like you are paying lip service to the idea of resolving issues without really even knowing what those issues are.  I have to repeat the same things I said on Twitter yesterday, if this is the type of advice you give clients on how to handle their social media, I feel sorry for them because it will be impossible for them to truly be effective in their efforts. 
If anyone from your social media team was really monitoring the online discussion around your company you would know that this arose from my objections to the TV commercial you are running offering Facebook services to small businesses.  I called out your company because your ad is misleading and it is targeting people who do not have the knowledge to know that, given Facebook’s algorithms and terms of service, you can not possibly deliver on the promises you are making.  After the pathetic response I received on Twitter to my concerns, I ended up writing a blog post, not only about the misleading advertising but about the text book way your social media team showed how not to handle criticism on social media. 
If your executive team really wants to understand the issue, you might want to read my blog post and all of the related comments on my post, Google+, Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.  Which, just as an aside, I shouldn’t have to be pointing out to you.  You should have sufficient monitoring in place to know that this conversation is going on about you out in social.  There are a lot of people who feel your advertising is misleading and makes our industry look bad.  The fact that your social media team was inept to handle the criticism just reinforces that Web.com should reconsider being in the social media consulting business because it is not equipped to give realistic, actionable, executable and strategic advice and services to its clients. 
Given how this has played out so far, I doubt this will happen, but if someone at your company is really interested in resolving what are obviously glaring issues with your own social media and the social media services you offer, have them contact me.  I have a lot of ideas that would get your social media program and your social media services back on track. 
And just FYI, I am writing a second blog post with both your email to me and my response included so that everyone following this story knows that you at least reached out and made an effort. 
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We All Have to Work to Stop the Snake Oil Salesmen

Warning: I am taking the gloves off and calling out a company for making the social media and web development industry look bad. It is companies and practices like the ones described below that make the entire industry look like we are trying to sell snake oil by making promises that are deceiving and can not be delivered on in the way they are being advertised.

I know this practice is nothing new.  It has been going on since the dawn of time, continues today and will continue in the future.  But until we in the industry stand up and call out the people and companies who promote and sell this BS, all of us in the industry will continue to be looked at, especially by small businesses, as snake oil salesmen.

I do not call this company, or any others, out lightly.  As someone who helps companies build their brand and reputations, going after someone else’s is not something I like to see and even less what I like to do. It was only after I tweeted them (see the Twitter conversation below), hoping that they would open a dialogue and show me how how I was wrong about them, that I felt the need to go further.  Follow the story and see how it ended up as this blog post on not only false advertising about social, but a case study in how not to handle criticism on social.

 

Last night, I was hanging out with my Dad watching Shark Tank reruns on CNBC.  We both love the show and hold a running commentary on what we think about the pitches and the deals that are made.  My viewing fun last night was ruined by a TV commercial from a company promising to help small businesses make money by setting them up a “professional Facebook page”.  They made a ton of promises about the businesses growing their brand awareness and getting new customers just by having a professionally created Facebook page.  They will even create the content for you!

My Dad sat by listening amusedly as I ranted and raved about the fact that it is impossible for Web.com, given Facebook’s algorithms and terms of service, to deliver on the promises they made in that commercial.  The commercial was at minimum misleading and at most, blatant false advertising.  It infuriated me because they are targeting small businesses and small business owners who have little time, money, knowledge or experience in this particular area.

Having been the owner of multiple small businesses, I know what a God-send it can seem like to have someone offer you an easier way to do something, especially grow your business.  You are not only going to help me grow my business but you were going to do my marketing for me by creating the content (whether you know anything about my business or industry or not?!)?  People are going to come flocking to my business because they saw me on Facebook?  I don’t have to spend time marketing because you are creating my content for me?  And all for this for a “reasonable” price? Oh and once you have me signed as a client, you’ll build me a website and take care of all my digital marketing needs too?  Sign me up!

If only it worked that way!

Those of us in social media and digital marketing know that the promise of Facebook reach and an immediate growth in your business is hooey, especially now.   Maybe, if you have a big budget and can do a large Facebook ad spend you might see some quick results – Maybe! But this commercial made it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world.  Just let us build you a professional looking Facebook page and you will instantly grow your business!

Excuse my language but BULLSHIT!

It nagged at me all night and all morning.  I went to the company’s website and checked out their other offerings.  Website design and development, social media marketing… the list goes on and on – if it is digital related, they do it.  Maybe they it do it well, but based on the commercial I saw last night, I had my doubts.

So after pondering it and tweeting about it without mentioning their name, I decided to call them out.  As you can see from the following thread, it went downhill from there.  They replied with obviously SOP canned messages.  They offered to assist me.  With what? Did they not bother to look at my profile and see that I am a social media professional? Apparently not.   No opening to discuss my complaint.  No interest in hearing what I had to say.   They then stopped responding at all.   If there was ever a textbook case on how NOT to handle criticism or complaints on social, this is it.  From a company who sells digital and social services to small businesses – Shameful!

My first tweet and their response

My first tweet and their response

Screen Shot 2015-01-07 at 12.05.53 PM

Screen Shot 2015-01-07 at 12.11.51 PM

And the canned responses just keep getting worse

And the canned responses just keep getting worse

Screen Shot 2015-01-07 at 12.12.37 PM

And there was no response to either of my last two tweets

And there was no response to either of my last two tweets

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Are You There In That Moment?

Several headlines/links float through my Twitter stream every second.  Most of them I glance at, maybe favorite to read later or if they are really compelling, I’ll click through and take a look now.  90+% I just let float by.   Same with TV commercials or print ads or even songs on the radio, just about anything type of media I consume.  Most of it floats in “one ear and out the other” metaphorically speaking.

It is not that they are bad headlines.  It is not that the articles are not meaningful.  It is not that the commercials are not entertaining.  It is just a matter of timing.  My brain, like those of every human, has been conditioned to be drawn to the thing that we most need IN THAT MOMENT.

How often do you stop and think about what the customer you are trying to attract needs IN THAT MOMENT.   When I think about a business’ failure to give a customer what they need or most want IN THAT MOMENT, an image that constantly comes to mind is the store changeover at the end of a holiday.

I walked into a major drug store chain on December 26th and the previous holiday items were already gone and they were on to Valentine’s Day.   They were rushing me into THEIR schedule.  Never paying attention to what I needed IN THAT MOMENT (which, coincidentally, happened to be a New Year card) They were forcing me to jump immediately into the next thing because it was what was on their schedule… not mine.

Digitally we see it all the time. Another great example –  I saw my first “year end wrap-up/year in review/lessons we learned in the past year” posts before the end of October!  In this industry staying current and knowing what worked and didn’t in social media in the past year is important stuff, but I don’t need a year end wrap-up in October.  I need it at the end of December because at the speed digital moves, what you wrote in October is unlikely to be accurate or relevant by the end of December.   We do such a disservice to our current, future and potential customers when we fail to pay attention to what they need IN THAT MOMENT.

Our failing to give our customers what they need IN THAT MOMENT is rooted in our general failure to pay attention to what they need and our insistence on giving them what we think they should need.  The sad reality about all business today is we are so busy trying to be/do/say/deliver the next big thing and make a buck that we rarely really ask ourselves – Is this…

  1. something that our customers really want or need
  2. is it something they need now

So what is it that your current or potential customers need?  Are you giving them access to it when they need it or when you think they should need it?  Are your messages relevant to them IN THAT MOMENT or are they memorable enough that they will remember them when they need your product or service?  Have you learned to walk that fine line between inundating (and probably annoying) them with messages they don’t need IN THAT MOMENT and making sure you are top of mind when they do what you have to sell?

All tough questions that can be fairly easily answered by talking to your customers and asking them.  When was the last time you actually did that?

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50 Ways to Leave Your… Client

Note: This was originally posted on an old site of mine in December 2008 and is one of my most popular posts.  I have been seeing a lot of questions lately from people about how to end client or partner or vendor relationships, so I figured it was time to recycle this one.

You just slip out the back, Jack

Make a new plan, Stan

You don’t need to be coy, Roy

             Just get yourself free

(50 Ways to Leave Your Lover – Paul Simon)

Every once in a while we come across that situation with a client (or partner or vendor – for the sake of continuity, we’ll just go with client throughout this one, but the principals are the same) that we know we just can not make work.  Whether it is an unreasonable client, changed expectations or just personality differences that are preventing us from doing our best work, the reality is that sometimes we just do need to fire our clients.  For our reputations, for our pocketbooks and most often for our own sanity or the collective sanity of our teams, we just need to walk away.

Unfortunately, like any relationship, we have usually gone into these business relationships with high hopes of this being “the one”.  The long term client that we enjoy working for, doing work that intrigues and inspires us and making a decent buck doing it.  Now, like a bad boy/girlfriend, we have to figure out how to disentangle ourselves from this client.  Just like you would in a romantic relationship, do a truly honest evaluation for yourself. Is this an irretrievably broken situation?  Are there changes that could be made on either side to alter the situation and make it reasonable to continue the work?  If you have done that and still feel that you must fire the client, then the sooner the better.

It is always a tricky situation.  The first thing you must do is look at the “out” (cancellation, exit or termination) clause in any agreement or contract you have with this client.  What are the terms that allow either of you to exit the relationship and what actions have to be taken before you are released from your contractual obligations?  Don’t have an out clause in your contracts/agreements?  Get one. Now!  Consider it your prenup – we never want to think about getting divorced, but if we aren’t protected before the rings go on, we can lose it all.  Make sure you understand the contract cancellation terms and that you fulfill them to the letter.  Do you not leave yourself open to claims of breach of contract because your agreement required something as simple as delivery of written notice to a specific address and instead you sent an email to your contact at the company.

Second, you must make sure that you have performed all of the work that you have already been paid for.  Either that or be prepared to issue a reimbursement to the client for any prepaid, uncompleted portion.  You never want to leave them in the position to say that you were paid for work that you did not do. Have all the financial details worked out before you communicate to the client that you are ending the relationship.  Know exactly how much has been paid, for what specific work and be able to clearly and accurately communicate that to your client.  Also be able to articulate how much may still be due to the client (or in some cases to you), what it is due for and when you expect to issue the reimbursement to them (or expect payment to be issued to you).  Also, be prepared, per the terms of your agreement, to turn over any and all documentation or work product belonging to the client or that is a result of the work done for the client.

Third, if there is uncompleted work, have a contingency plan ready to give the client.   Be the kind of contractor that you want working for you.  Don’t leave them completely in the lurch (unless they have never paid you, then maybe they deserve it).  Lay out what additional work may need to be done.  It does not have to be a detailed plan for them, that is their responsibility, but at least be able to say, “I was retained to do X,Y & Z and only X & Y have been completed, you will need to make alternative arrangements if you still wish to proceed with Z”.  Simple but courteous.  Often clients have hired us because they don’t know what to do, at least if they have a direction, they can take the steps necessary to replace you. And you take less of a risk of the client badmouthing you to anyone who will listen.

Now to the tricky part, telling them.  The best way to accomplish this is to be short and sweet.  Don’t get into pointing fingers or accepting blame.  Don’t go into any deep details, only those that are necessary to conclude any outstanding business.  Just advise the client that you no longer feel that you are in a mutually beneficial relationship.  Always stress that you regret taking this action, but you feel it would be in both of your best interests to dissolve the relationship.  If you have someone else that you can refer the client to, that is always a nice way to end the communication.   If the client comes back and wants to know why, then be prepared to be tactful, but honest.  You are probably doing them a favor by telling them the truth.  Be sure to have examples ready if they question you.  Also be prepared to stop discussing it.  Like most difficult breakups, some clients will keep trying to get you to go round and round, basically trying to wear you down. Before you get into the conversation, know your stopping point so you do not get frustrated or angry and leave the conversation on a bad tone.

Try to do the “break-up” in the manner in which you had most of your communications with the client – ie. by phone, email, face to face.  It is only respectful.  If you feel it will be accepted better in writing, then do so. If you end the relationship face to face or via telephone,  I also recommend following up with a letter or an email just reiterating what you said, confirming that any prepaid work has been completed, any final details that have to be resolved (payment, document or work transfer, etc…) and wishing them the best.

This is never an easy or pleasant situation to be in.  it is however necessary to know how to handle the situation in the most professional, mature manner possible.  Your reputation depends on it.  The client will probably not be happy, but if you can walk away on civil terms with no one screaming lawsuit or breach of contract, it’s probably a win-win.

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10 Tips to Overnight Success

In 2008, Gil Beyda gave a talk at the Philly Startup Leaders Founder Factory on the 10 tips to overnight success that took him 35 years to learn.  They are great reminders of what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur.

I often refer back to Gil’s 10 tips when I feel like I am wandering off the path or need that little kick in the rear.   I hope Gil doesn’t mind me re-sharing them.   If you want more explanations of each of them, you are going to have to go hear Gil speak somewhere. Do it if you can.  It is a great experience.

Here is to hoping these 10 tips help you as much as they have helped me.  Cheers to your “overnight success”

#10 – Entrepreneurs sell

# 9 – Know yourself

# 8 – Don’t drink your own kool-aid

# 7 – Be an expert in something

# 6 – Your spouse/significant other is your first partner

# 5 – You’ll make a lot of mistakes

# 4 – Be nimble

# 3 – Freedom to Fail

# 2 – Be an idea machine

# 1 – Get Lucky

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My 3 Words – 2015 edition

I stopped making resolutions when I turned 40. All I was doing was setting myself up for failure.  I stopped having carved in concrete goals within a year or two of that.  Because every time I did my life became the epitome of the old saying “want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans”.  Instead, I tried to find something that would give me direction and put structure around my goals for the year without making me carve them in stone and set myself up for disappointment.  Something that would allow me to lay a path that was flexible enough to allow for inevitable change, but clear enough to keep me on the right trail.

Then my wonderful Twitterverse of friends exposed me to the annual My Three Words and I had my blueprint.

My words for 2014  – tolerance, listening and reading/writing – ending up being somewhat prophetic for what the year was going to bring.  2014 required a lot of tolerance, a lot of listening and consisted of a lot of reading, but not as much writing as I would have liked.

Following in the tradition I started in 2013, I let my three words come to me as I envisioned what I wanted from 2015.  They couldn’t be just any three words though.  They had to be words that embodied an overall attitude for 2015 and words that implied or would move me to action.

So here are My Three Words for 2015 –

Words – This is essentially a evolution of Reading/Writing from 2014. I want to absorb and share more words.  I want to read more.   I want to read many different things.  I want to re-read some of the classics and my old favorites.  I want to read the Bible cover to cover again and really absorb it this time.  I want to write more. I want to finally take all the things that are in my head whether it is inspiration, musings, marketing and social media opinions or fictional stories and share them with the world.  Lastly, I want to do more public speaking.  Having spent a year away from it, I realize how much I really love speaking, training and educating.  I have made a commitment to myself to do more of it this year.

 

Service – I learned this year the difference between saying you want to be of service to others and actually, actively, selflessly being of service to others.  I have always tried to be of service to others, but this past year put me squarely into it.  I realized that making the time and effort and going after opportunities to be of service is different than doing it when it comes your way.  I want to do more of the first and will still accept opportunities that come the second way.

Another lesson that I have committed myself to this year is learning to let others be of service to me.  I have always been the one that took care of everything and everyone, fixed everything, did it myself because it was easier/quicker than counting on someone else to do it.  This year that changes. I will allow others to be of service to me.  I will not rob them of the opportunity to give of themselves.  I know how satisfying it feels to do so.  It is time I let go and give others the space to feel the same way.  I will not stop being a caretaker.  It is who I am.  I will start allowing others to also take care of me.  This one will not be easy, but it is necessary.

 

Routine – This is one of those concepts that I know what it means to me but it may be a bit hard to describe to someone else.  The last few years have been a unpredictable mish-mosh of being in a routine and not being in one depending on the needs of others – friends, clients, loved ones, volunteer commitments, etc…  This last year has held a completely different kind of routine interrupted by frequent detours.  In 2015, I want to start figuring out the routine that suits me best.  Having a routine of working, speaking, reading, writing, exercising, cooking, sitting still…whatever it is, I want to figure out the rhythm of MY life and then add in all of these other things to it.  I have always worked best and been happiest with a little structure in my life.  For me, routine is not about only being structured.  This year it is going to be about having the time, energy and focus to accomplish the things I set out to do and that still allow me to roll with spontaneity, joy, excitement and a need for stillness.


What are your words for 2015?  How can I help you with achieving them? 

 

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It’s All About the…Attitude

It’s All About the… Attitude  – Come on, you have to admit that you now have a rather catchy tune floating around in your head.  Just go with it as you read on…

Anyone who follows me on social media has at least a small idea of how much my 2014 sucked.  It started out with a bad case of the flu and pneumonia and went downhill from there.   A relationship ended, my stepmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I had to change my “start a new life in Texas” plans to help care for her and my father, my dog died…and that was just January.

The rest of the year proceeded with the illnesses and deaths of a dear high school friend and my cousin and the rapidly declining health of my stepmother, until she too passed away in December.   I spent my year, not pursuing my career or personal dreams and goals, but being where I was needed and daily taking on dealing with illness, sadness, stress and grief and caring for the ones I love.

Yeah, 2014 sucked

Yet it didn’t…

In some ways, 2014 may have been exactly the year I needed…

We all have lessons in life that we say we need to or have learned…this year, I can honestly say I actually learned some of them.   My 2014 was spent exactly where I was supposed to be.  God (or insert deity you believe in here) put me exactly where I was supposed to be when I was supposed to be there. Where I was not only needed, but where I needed to be to learn some hard lessons and settle in to a new attitude and, hopefully, an even better version of myself.   It would be easy to wallow in the misery that 2014 brought and make a lot of excuses and rail against the unfairness of it all and get stuck in the negativity.   But, as we all know… It’s All About the Attitude…

That relationship that ended? I not only dodged a bullet that would have made the rest of my life hard and tumultuous, but having the strength to walk away from it left the perfect clearing in my heart and a clarity in my head to be open to something new and wonderful and perfect for me.

The career plans that were put on hold?  They left me with time to really discover what I love doing and what I want my work going forward to look like.  More on that soon, but just to give you a sneak peek, my consulting focus is going to be changing.  You will see a lot about that coming out soon, so stay tuned and be ready to book me to work with you or speak at your event!

The people I lost this year – Lovell, Celeste and Anita.  While the grief will stay with me, probably forever, the courage, grace and love they showed through their illnesses and their deaths was a huge beacon of what real strength, faith and living, and dying, on your own terms should mean to us all.   I will ever be grateful for having them in my life and for the lessons they taught me both in life and in dying.  The greatest way I can honor them is to live life as fully, as gracefully, with faith and as much on my own terms as possible.

Another unexpected lesson I learned in this year is we rarely really take the time to discover what we can live without.   Prior to this past year, I had a life that was constantly moving – work, volunteering, events, networking, friends, socializing, the general bustle of a full urban life… my life was in an almost 24/7 state of movement and forward progress.  It was wonderful! I loved it and I would not change a moment of it.  I thought it was all necessary for me to really feel like I was living a full life.

Then 2014 started and things in my life ground to screeching halt.  My time and energy were now needed for things that involved a lot of sitting and not actively doing.  I was forced to learn the hardest lesson for me – Patience.  I was forced into learning the value of just sitting still.   I had always done that, but it was in a few hour or at most a few day stretches.  This was days, weeks and months of just doing the day to day things that maintain life and a lot of sitting and waiting.  Never something I had done well or liked very much.   I discovered that, while I really enjoy the hustle and bustle of what my life was, I can live without it.

I also learned the lesson of what material possessions really mean.  I have lived the last year in the small guest bedroom of my father’s home with the only basic necessities of my possessions and almost all the rest of my worldly goods in a storage unit.  I also took on very little work this year and had virtually no income to speak of.  I learned that I really don’t need the stuff that I have surrounded myself with over the years.  Is it nice to have? Yes, it is and I miss some of it.  If I had to start life over with nothing more than what is in this tiny bedroom, I could easily do it.  That storage unit will soon be getting another thorough cleaning out and be pared down again to the things that I most need and that mean the most.

As 2015 starts, my vision of the next chapter of my life is a much better balance of time, effort, energy and things and a LOT of love.

 

Again, it all comes back to the attitude.   We can either choose to be beaten down by what crosses our path or we can choose to embrace it, good or bad, learn from it, live through it and continue on.   I can never say I was “forced” into the changes that 2014 brought.  I could have continued on with the plan that had brought me to Texas.  It was my choice to stay here in this small town, put my life on hold and care for the people who mean so much to me.  And it was the best choice I have made in a very, very long time.

 

So what does 2015 hold for me?  I don’t really know yet.  There is a lot of things that I still need to help with settling here before I can make final decisions about what is next.  I do know that 2015 holds a lot of promise.  I know that I am going into it with a different attitude then I have had in any of my prior 49 years.  I know that it will hold work that I love and am intrigued and challenged by, including more training and speaking opportunities – they are high on the list of things I enjoy most and want to do more of.  It will hold more time, effort and energy spent on the people that I love and less of those things spent on the people who are toxic and draining. It will hold time to just be and enjoy life whatever it holds.

Most of all, 2015 will be the year of Attitude…

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Really Fine or Faking It?

How often do you stop and take time to find out what is really going on in your friends’ or co-workers lives? When you ask and they reply with the standard “Ok” or  “Fine”, are they really fine or just faking it?

When we saw our friends, neighbors and colleagues face to face or talked to them on the telephone every day, it was easy to know if they were really fine or just faking it.  Subtle body language cues, sighs, pauses, facial expressions could give us clues to how they really were.

The rise of social media has definitely made it more difficult and so much more necessary to take the time to really find out what is going on with our friends, neighbors and co-workers.  We are all guilty of assuming that the person posting the positive messages really feels that way.  Or are they trying to talk themselves into it?   In the midst of all their optimistic sounding posts, did you pay attention to the one short post that says they are hurting or need help or just need someone to care? How often do you notice when someone goes social media silent for a while and actually follow up to see if they are ok?

We all have busy lives and social media posts fly by us at the speed of the internet, but maybe we need to find a way to slow down and pay more attention.   The shortest message or a kind smile can be the difference that someone might need to make it through whatever is going on in their lives.

This is a season, no matter your religion, of family, loved ones, friends, kindness, compassion and peace…maybe it is a good time to start paying more attention.  On that list of New Year resolutions that you may or may not be making, maybe we need to include one that says pay a little more attention, reach out a little more and maybe we also need to quit faking it ourselves and be more open and honest, especially with the people who care about us.  I know both of those will be on my list of changes for the New Year. 

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Who are the people who make us better?

We hear this, or some version of it, all the time…

Surround yourself with people who make you a better person

But how often do we stop and really think about what it means?  What is it in someone who makes us a better person?  How are we defining “a better person”?

If we can’t be clear on the “better person” we are trying to be, how can we be sure that who we are surrounding ourselves with can help us move towards that goal?

Like all goals, it is comes down to a honest assessment of ourselves – what we are good at, what we need to improve and how do we get there?

So, when was the last time you really did an honest thorough assessment of yourself?  I know I wasn’t doing it often enough.   Yet, it clearly is something we should be doing regularly.  This does not mean long days locked away in a cabin (or beach or wherever makes you happy and  calm) somewhere to “get in touch with ourselves”.  Although those are nice and occasionally necessary, there are simpler ways to figure out whether we are surrounding ourselves with people who make us better.

It requires taking a good look at yourself and your interactions on a regular basis.  Because it is so hard and time seems to fly by so fast, recently I started putting this on my calendar as a regular event every two weeks.  I schedule myself a half hour of time to just review the last two weeks.

I ask myself these questions –

  • What did I accomplish? What did I not get done?
  • Who did I interact with?
  • What prompted those interactions?
  • How did I feel about the people I interacted with in the last two weeks?
  • Who did I want to interact with that I did not get to?
  • What lessons have I learned?
  • How productive have my interactions been?
  • What expectations, of myself and others,  did I have that were or were not fulfilled?

 

This quick review, of a manageable time period, allows me to really focus and get clarity on what I am trying to achieve and whether I have moved closer to those goals.  It also allows me to look at the people I have in my life or that I have interacted with and whether they have done one of five things to help me move some aspect of myself to the “better person” I hope to be.

  • Did they teach me a lesson?  It doesn’t matter what kind of lesson. Personal or professional, something about myself, something the word around me, a professional insight, whatever the lesson might be, just did I learn something from them passing through my life?
  • Did they “touch” me? Meaning, was there something about this interaction that touched me emotionally, intellectually, professionally or spiritually.
  • Was there something about interacting with them that changed, enhanced or diminished my perception about myself or the world around me?
  • Did they inspire me? More importantly, did they inspire me to act?
  • Did they just plain make me feel good?  Did they make me smile? Did they make me laugh?  Did they make me see the joy and light in life?

The pattern that emerges from my responses allows me to not only decide if this is a person, or type of person, that I want more or less of in my life, it also allows me to see the “better person” I strive to be.  How I react to and interact with the people that have passed through my world steers me towards the person I want to be, the goals I want to achieve, the impact I want to leave on the world. I see a pattern emerge, based on what I thought or felt about interacting with someone, of what is important or moving to to me.

How are you deciding if the people you surround yourself with make you a better person?  

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I want America back!

 

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Reading my social media feeds today, it feels like we have forgotten how to agree to disagree and still respect each other and the other party’s right to their opinion.   I am seriously disgusted by the amount of vitriolic name-calling that I am seeing on all my social media feeds today.

I respect your right to have different political / religious / whatever beliefs then mine.  However, I will not tolerate, and what will quickly get you unfriended, is obnoxious name-calling and berating of anyone, politician or not, that you do not agree with.  Whether you like and agree with a politician or not, they got elected, by a majority, and if you believe in our country and our political system, that affords them some respect, no matter how minor an amount.  I do not necessarily like how many of yesterday’s elections turned out, but they were fair, honest elections in the democratic tradition of this great country.  I have to respect that.  The people who got out the most vote, whether I agree with them our not, have the right to have elected representatives who represent what they want and believe in.

It is as if people on both sides of the aisle have forgotten why we have two sides to the aisle.   If we all agreed on everything, it would not be a democracy.  There would not be a need for one.  Our country and our political system require the checks and balances inherent in a multi-party system.   The reality of that multi-party system is that some elections are going to result in people being elected who don’t represent our own individual views or beliefs.  That is the way it works.   If you don’t like who got elected, then you get off your ass and go to work getting someone elected next time who does represent your beliefs.  You don’t resort to schoolyard bullying and name-calling.

We have drifted so far away from being a nation of tolerance and working together that it is scary.   The divisions that have arisen are tearing our nation apart.  When the reaction to not getting something that you want is to start throwing accusations and calling names instead of working together to create a better world for everyone, then we have gone down a spiral that could spell the end of our country.  It is not who is in office that will ruin our country.  It is our own individual inability to be tolerant, informed, patriotic and compassionate adults who respect our country, our elected officials, our military and each other that will harken the end.

Our country was at its greatest when we still remembered that we were AMERICANS first, not Republicans, Democrats, Tea Partiers, Libertarians,  or whatever…    When we remembered that whether we voted for guy/gal in power or not, it was our patriotic duty to support our country, not continually tear it down by demeaning and debasing those in power.  We respected them and, if we didn’t agree, we worked to get someone elected who we did agree with.

I want that America back! I want back the America that understood we did not all have to believe the same thing, it was actually better when we didn’t, but that we all had to agree to disagree and respect each other.

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