limbo –
The dictionary defines limbo as
an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place.
Or
a place or state of imprisonment or confinement.
The question then becomes how many of us and how often we feel we are in limbo. That feeling of not knowing where you are going, which direction is the right one. That place where we have imprisoned ourselves in our heads, unable to move on from this transitional place because we can’t sort out the thoughts racing through our minds or ebbing and tiding with each heartbeat.
I know I am definitely one of those people who sometimes finds it easy to lose her way. Who finds a temporary home in limbo. In that place where confusion reigns and dissatisfaction is the prevailing emotion. When work seems to be stuck in a rut – not advancing, no longer caring or being passionate about what you do. When you unconsciously push away those closest to you because you just don’t have the energy to deal with anyone. When your romantic relationship seems to be on hold and you can’t tell if it is going backwards or forwards or anywhere at all. That time when the most satisfying thing is to lie on the couch. But I am also one of the fortunate ones. Those wonderful people that I try to shut out because I just don’t want to deal with life. They stand by me. They pull me up when I don’t want to get off the couch; they hold me up when I don’t have the energy. And then there are the loves of my life, my passions, my desires, all of those people and things who, at even the most lackadaisical of my times, are always at the back of mind. Always there patiently waiting, as they drift through my thoughts, the remembrance of the beauty and light there past the fog.
My limbo is primarily in the winter. The short days and cold grey skies push me into an even greyer funk. But as the theory of limbo promises it is just transitional. Spring does come. The green does return and with the promise
of all life can be. Each extra hour of daylight, each new sprouting flower and leaf on the tree, they rouse my soul. The clean warm air gently blowing and clearing the tangled cobwebs of thought from my head. And the promise of new tomorrows places me back on a path full of adventure and joy for life. I can once again embrace the day to day, the amazing people in my life and a fresh vision.
I also know that limbo will return. It is not a stationary place or condition. It slides in and out of my perspective. Occasionally even returning in the middle of my favorite sunny summer days. I can only rely on the knowledge that this mental detention is just that, a temporary detention. And like the naughty child held after school for talking in class, my detention will end and I will be out on the playground with the rest of kids soon. So for all of us, the challenge becomes developing an attitude that allows our personal limbos to only be that transitional state and not a permanent confinement or imprisonment. How ready am I to face that challenge? How ready are you?
Gloria K. Bell 