community

Community or Clique?

Or more appropriately – Are you building a community or a clique?

We are all a part of many communities, both on and off line.  We are inundated with constant buzz about “building communities”.   How often though do we stop and look at whether what we are building or joining is really a community or is it a clique?

There are many different definitions of community.  Some having to with interests and some having to do with geography.   What we seem to have accepted as one definition of community (especially offline ones) is a group of people with similar interests and an agreement as to goals.  The question arises when do we cross the line between being an inclusive, supportive community to a clique (a small exclusive group of friends or associates).

So what do we really mean when we talk about building communities? What really differentiates a community from a clique?  In every community that we belong to, we have those who we feel more comfortable with, those we have more in common with.   But just a like a family, there is always that old aunt or uncle who tells the bad jokes or insists on pinching our cheeks.  There are the people we have less in common with, that we are not as comfortable being around.  When we talk about building a community doesn’t that mean including those people?  If we do not, aren’t we just building a clique?

Communities are multi-facted. If we accept that a community is a group of like-minded people working towards similar goals, doesn’t that mean we have to accept the ones we have less in common with, but who still meet that definition?  In your community, how often do you reach out to those people?  How often do you take the time to find out about them?  Do you reach out and try to help them?  If you are the “leader” of the community, isn’t it your responsibility to foster that environment?  If you claim to want to build a community, shouldn’t you be doing everything possible to foster communication, acceptance and cooperation among your community members?

Are you taking the time to learn and share the negative as well as the positive?  It is easy to share and celebrate all of the good things, but are you also willing to commit to helping your community members through the bad ones?  Do you have a community member who is having a hard time personally or professionally?  Do you even know?  If so, what are you doing to draw the community together to help this person?  Are you using all of the avenues and tools available to know what going on with your community members so that you can act on the good things and the bad things?

We all have our buddies, our friends within our communities and this is not to say that we should not have those we hang out with, socialize with and support those individuals.  But when we revolve our actions around those individuals and not everyone in our community, then we are not really building a community.  If your stated objectives include anything about togetherness, support, sharing or communication and you are not actively reaching across your entire organization and beyond with these concepts, then you are not building a community.  You are building a clique.

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Community & the Quality of Our Relationships

This is a reprint of a post I wrote in June 2008, but I feel that the message is especially relevant for me and a lot of others right now.  So here it is again.

Sometimes things come to us in such a timely manner, that it restores our faith in the patterns of the universe.  After having ignored my GoogleReader for several days (way too many, don’t even ask how long!)  I started to wade through through the massive amount of reading I had in front of me.   As usual, when I have built it up to that lovely 1000+  (you have to love when it is so many that they will intimidate you with 1000+ and not really tell you how many there are!) that GR intimindatingly shows me I have failed to keep up on, I’m skimming subjects and titles.  In my haste to clear, I almost skipped over this particular post, but something drew me back.  Not only because it was Gary V, but something about the title resonated with some of my recent musings.

http://garyvaynerchuk.com/2008/06/05/when-do-you-know-you-have-a-community/

Gary talks about when you know you have a Community (yes capital “C”).   Now, I’m not sure that I can ever be as eloquent as Gary, but I’d like to think I share his passion.  His focus is on the social media crowd, but I think his message can be expanded to many aspects of our lives.  He reminds us all that community = communication!  If you are having a dialogue with just one person, you have a Community.

Gary’s words reinforced things that have been occurring to me lately.  I’m in the process of making a Major move and Major changes in my life.  In preparing to make these changes, I have been evaluating the roles that various people play in my life. When Gary talks about needing to remember that it does not matter how many Twitter followers or blog readers, it made me remember that it does not matter how many friends I have collected, how many colleagues admire me, how many business associates I have contacts with.  It is about the quality of these relationships. Now, I will admit that sometimes I get lost in believing that the more people I am able to surround myself with, the more people there are to make me happy, to reinforce the positives about myself, in general just to affirm my existence.    Occasionally it is nice to be reminded that I don’t need anyone to affirm me.   What I need is myself and the positive power of a good Community.   And Gary has reminded me of that. He has reminded me that I not only need myself, I need good dialogue with a single person and I have a solid Community.

I’m one of the lucky ones, I’ve realized that I have a lot of people in my Community, good people, solid people, smart people, caring and inspiring people.  From the people I love, my family, my close friends, some business associates, my Twitter  peeps and the sweet people who take the time to read this, I’m blessed with this Community.

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Who says Twitter relationships are not real?

I write this through tears that are clouding my vision.   I received news today of the passing of one of my Twitter peeps @lilyhill.  While “Lily” (Roberta Frazier) and I never had the chance to meet face to face, we did share some lovely conversations and I always looked forward to seeing what she had to say.  In some ways it seems odd to feel the profound sadness that has come over me at the passing of someone I really had never “met”.  But, I do feel a deep sadness.  A sadness for Roberta’s family – my heart aches at the thought of her daughter having to type that final tweet from her mother’s account – A sadness at a life lost way too early; A slightly selfish sadness that I will no longer be able to avail myself of Roberta’s wit and wisdom.  And an even more selfish sadness at the reality of my own mortality.

What strikes me even more is that I am feeling this deep sadness for a person that I only knew electronically.  There are people who try and claim that the relationships we develop through Twitter are not “real”.  They are a result of snippets of information that we chose to share with the world and have no basis in the deep understanding necessary for true relationships. I say they are wrong!  In the almost 2 years that I have been on Twitter I have been blessed to interact with people all over the world that I now truly call FRIENDS.  Some I have met in person and some I have not, but that does not lessen the feelings I have for these people.  Some of the people I now consider my dearest friends, that I consider my extended family, I met on Twitter.

The bits and pieces of our lives that we daily share with each other on Twitter are the building blocks for those relationships.  The times that we laugh together, support each other, educate one another, just chat, share virtual hugs, share wisdom & insight and on days like today, cry together. This is what builds those relationships.  It is wonderful when proximity allows us to translate those into “real life” friendships, but I don’t feel any less for those I am close to on Twitter who are in Florida, Missouri, California or Australia than I do for those right here in my own beloved Philadelphia.  I can feel their love, kindness, support and caring as strongly as if they were sitting here next to me.  Twitter has allowed me to grow beyond my own little geographical world.  It has allowed me to touch and be touched by the power of people from everywhere. For that I am eternally grateful.  I wrote “An Open Letter to My Tweeple” back in February 2008 describing what Twitter meant to me.  Those thoughts and feelings are amplified exponentially with each day that I spend engaging in conversations and interacting with my community on Twitter.

So to those who would say these relationships are not real – I on behalf of the Twitterverse say you are very, very wrong.  The sadness I feel right this moment at the passing of @lilyhill is proof.

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Community & the quality of our relationships

Sometimes things come to us in such a timely manner, that it restores our faith in the patterns of the universe.  After having ignored my ReadBurner & GoogleReader for several days (way too many, don't even ask how long!)  I started to wade through through the massive amount of reading I had in front of me.   As usual, when I have built it up to that lovely 1000+  (you have to love when it is so many that they will intimidate you with 1000+ and not really tell you how many there are!) I'm skimming subjects and titles.  In my haste to clear, I almost skipped over this particular post, but something drew me back.  Not only because it was Gary V, but something about the title resonated with some of my recent musings. 

http://garyvaynerchuk.com/2008/06/05/when-do-you-know-you-have-a-community/

Gary talks about when you know you have a Community (yes capital "C").   Now, I'm not sure that I can ever be as eloquent as Gary, but I'd like to think I share his passion.  His focus is on the social media crowd, but I think his message can be expanded to relationships in all of the varied aspects of our lives.  He reminds us all that community = Communication!  If you are having a dialogue with just one person, you have a Community.  

Gary's words reinforced some of things that have been occurring to me lately.  I'm in the process of making a Major move and Major changes in my life.  In preparing to make these changes, I have been evaluating the roles that various people play in my life. When Gary talks about needing to remember that it does not matter how many Twitter followers or blog readers, it made me remember that it does not matter how many friends I have collected, how many colleagues admire me, how many business associates I have contacts with.  It is about the quality of these relationships.  Now, I will admit that sometimes I get lost in believing that the more people I am able to surround myself with, the more people there are to make me happy, to reinforce the positives about myself, in general just to affirm my existence.    Occasionally it is nice to be reminded that I don't need anyone to affirm me.   What I need is myself and the positive power of a good Community.   And Gary has reminded me of that. He has reminded me that I not only need myself, I only need good, supportive dialogue with a single person and I have a solid Community.    

I'm one of the lucky ones, I've realized that I have a lot of people in my Community, good people, solid people, smart people, caring and inspiring people.  From the people I love, my family, my close friends, some business associates, my Twitter  peeps and the sweet people who take the time to read this, I'm blessed with this Community.   I have communications with them that range for the soulful to the silly, but in all of these, one thing is prevalent, these are people who in some aspect or another bring something to my life.  Education, entertainment, love, compassion, support and sometimes, even the occasional disagreement (which I usually need to wake myself up to something I need to pay more attention to!).   It is nice to not have to reduce my Community to a single person, it would be so hard to chose.  Instead, I chose to be grateful that I have these amazing people as a part of my life and that I get to have this amazing Ccommunication!  So BIG thanks to Gary for reminding me what my Community means to me, what it really is all about and why it is so important to nuture it. 

So I leave with you a couple of questions.  Who makes up your Community?  What are you doing to foster the communication that truly translate into a Community? And most importantly, how often do you let that Community know what they mean to you?  

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